I’ve been saying this for years. A properly balanced body should contain equal parts blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and cemetery dust. Anything else is a nutritional deficiency.

If it’s a teenager … don’t look at it was just about as effective as the D.A.R.E. just say no line.

There were two young English teachers who came in my senior year who wore whale tails almost every day of the week. They were the source of many controversial arguments. Regardless, I overheard that they matched on a bonus at the end of the year because their courses had the best attendance record.

My heart goes out to you. That’s a really tough but ultimately good decision to put as much distance between you and a firearm. We need you, my friend.

Firearms aren’t for everyone which is where there are many decent alternatives.

Personally, I am a fan of home pepper gel spray. Unlike other things (like a pepper pistol, or taser, or knife), you can empty the canister on the offending person and if they manage to wrestle it from you somehow, it will be empty and they can’t do anything to you with it.